Shrek's bride or homecoming party
Shrek's bride or homecoming party

When you have two very small children, and you do a strange job under the direction of a lover of production meetings (twice a morning), then going out is rare and usually comes down to the lonely birthday of her husband's comrades with their wives' stories about postpartum jaundice. Sometimes St. Valentine will suddenly sparkle with an unearthly light, but you have to leave a corporate party at twenty-zero, because after all, a nanny! and we must let her go.

Shrek's bride or homecoming party
Shrek's bride or homecoming party

And then it suddenly turns out that ten years from the day of graduation, a gigantic meeting of graduates is being prepared, “everyone will come! all!" - so exclaims the former headman, or the chairman of the Uchkom. After all, the headman, yes. Everyone will come, and you carefully negotiate the program of events: babies to grandmother, husband to his classmates, thank God, you studied in different places, and you need to buy new tights in a tan color - you sneak into the office in jeans and striped knee-highs, of course.

The appointed evening, a frosty Saturday, the wind blows garbage through the dark streets; for some reason we agreed to go to school first - this is unnecessary, it’s boring at school, people gather for a long time, and it’s not known what is the best way to do it: go to a cafe now? wait for the rest? They decide to go, decide to wait, confusion, in the midst of the noise you accidentally find yourself next to someone who is not known at all. Probably, this year is older, you think so, but a year older suddenly pats you on the cheek like Hitler and says: and I knew that you did not recognize me. A young girl is hanging out nearby, she laughs, throws back her long hair. This is my wife, - who knows who is proud. Oh, damn it, suddenly you realize, this is the same excellent boy who moved to Mongolia after the fifth grade.

The young wife laughs, and you smile ready too. In a cafe you find yourself in neighboring places, a young wife sings "Tatars to Tatars", this is Suzanne Vega. On the contrary - with some fright, a physics teacher, smiles wider than her face, "what idiot invited her at all?" - questions are rustling, the teacher has never been fond of physics and somehow admitted that it is still not good at converting kilometers per hour to meters per second. The former headman shoves you with his knee and angrily whispers: "great, this cretinous Mongol with his stupid wife, physicist with a smile, the holiday was a success."

But everything is gradually getting better, with each toast proclaimed even more is getting better, and now the gloomy girls throw their photos between the plates in the interiors, “this is us in Turkey”, “this is Slavik on his first bicycle”, the first beauty capriciously wants to “dance! dance, "and the Mongol politely stands up and invites the beauty to a waltz. Considering that at this time "A friend threw problems" from "2 planes" sounds, the waltz is not very successful. On top of that, the waltzers are greatly disturbed by the neighboring group of graduates, which is against dancing.

“You, like, don't see the edges, do you? - the company inquires politely, - we came here to have a rest for cultural purposes, and not to watch your Friedrichstatpalas for the disabled."

Neighboring graduates literally drag the Mongol by the pants, the beauty waves her hair. The young wife is worried, and one by one she drops the glasses. The alarmed waiter rushes about. The physics teacher smiles. Neighboring graduates promise to teach Mongolians to love freedom. A fierce boy with the face of Shrek's bride stands out. The Mongol escorts the beauty to her place, kisses her elbow, the young wife shoves a plate of cold cuts and a dish of grilled vegetables from the table with her knee.

"I'll save the sausage!" - someone shouts in rhyme and eats from under the table. The waiter is there, records the losses. The words "conflict menu" and "police" are heard. A boy with the face of Shrek's bride jumps nearby, planning to immediately begin teaching the Mongol to love freedom. The Mongol spits on Shrek's fiancée, hugs his young wife, she dodges the hugs, very menacingly sings her “to Tatars to Tatars,” and pours herself Russian vodka.

There is no way to stay in a cafe, since they are surrounded by Shreks, threaten with police, and refuse to respect. Some of the classmates angrily swept out into the night and a blizzard, the physics teacher with everyone (does not part with a smile). You, too, get ready without enthusiasm, regretting the indistinctly spent evening, but then the Mongol grabs you by the shoulder and asks for a loan of a thousand rubles, until tomorrow: the young wife filled dishes for one and a half, the budget of the evening did not include such waste.

“I don’t have a thousand,” you say truthfully.

“How much is there?” The Mongol does not let go of his shoulder.

“Five hundred rubles,” you admit.

“Come on, okay. So I have a thousand. I just wanted to divide responsibility into zones,”the Mongolian mysteriously replies.

Suddenly, deafly and terribly, Vyacheslav Butusov sings about "Gibraltar, Labrador", the Mongol's eyes sparkle and enthralls the beauty to dance again. The young wife breaks down a couple of the remaining wine glasses with hatred. Shrek's bride kicks the Mongol. The Mongol waves his hands and accidentally touches the beauty on the ear. The beauty shrieks: “What are you? what are you? and never called me to never again!"

Shrek's fiancee kicks the Mongol again with a laugh. The young wife pours herself some Russian vodka. The headman returns from the street and pulls you by the hand. “Let's go already,” she says irritably, “we’re going to the club now, cocktails are fine there, but here is some kind of GULAG archipelago.”

Reluctantly, the guards come up and put out a cigarette butt in an unclean ashtray. Lovingly beckons Shrek's bride. They laugh together. The Mongol stands up and straightens his hair.

“At least I'll leave the money for him,” you say bashfully.

“May he rest,” the headman is indignant.

"He's not enough five hundred rubles for breaking dishes" - "We don't care!" - "No, let's leave, otherwise somehow"

In fact, you just don't give a damn about the stupid Mongol with his dancing habits and everything, everything, everything. But the truth is, if you wash away like that, then it will be awkward, and for your personal comfort you shove five hundred to your young wife.

“It’s by the way,” she chirps and disappears into the ladies' room.

Mongol is sitting on a chair. Guards surround him. The beautiful woman powders her nose. Shrek's bride departed to her table, where she has a great time remembering fragments of the battle. You finally get out with the headman, a taxi is waiting on the street, and the driver hints displeasedly that you will have to pay extra for the downtime. “And I have no more money,” you remember. "Sit already, eh!" - the headman quietly and menacingly boils.

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