Children's "terror": how not to become a hostage of your child
Children's "terror": how not to become a hostage of your child

It happens that bright, cheerful women after the birth of a child lose their face and personal life. This happens because the child treats his mother as his property, seeing in her only a means of getting what he wants.


Who is guilty?

The reason often lies in the mother herself, in her attitude towards the child and the methods of upbringing. Of course, congenital traits of a child's character also affect the situation. Some children show calmness and "independence" from birth. They sleep well and eat well, follow the regime, always find something to occupy themselves with. Such kids can play for hours on their own, do not require increased attention, do not throw tantrums.

Others torment their mother with insomnia and crying for up to a year. After they demand all the mother's attention, they are jealous of others. They are moody and disobedient.

If the mother follows the child's lead, satisfies any of his desires, such children turn into little monsters: they put their "want" above all else. To get what they want, they arrange scenes, resort to lies and blackmail. With age, "I want" is replaced by "you must", laziness, aggression and inability to live develop. And the mother becomes the uncomplaining slave of her child.

What to do?

From the age of one, the child must be taught that the mother has things to do.

Put your baby on a high chair or playpen, give him a toy. The child must see you. Go about your business for 15–20 minutes. Do the dishes, make a shopping list for the week, etc. Be sure to talk to your baby. Gradually increase this time to 60 minutes.

Start leaving your baby with a family member or nanny for a short time. Enroll him in an early development group. 40 minutes 3 times a week will help the little person adapt to the team and give you a little respite.

The most difficult situation is a spoiled child.

In order not to raise an ungrateful person from an adored child with a consumer attitude to family and life, observe the following rules.

Schedule your time. Your daily schedule should include:

● urgent matters (in the office or at home);

● makeup, hair, exercise (at least 15 minutes a day in your own bedroom);

● personal life (your husband also needs your attention);

● rest.

Teach your child to play. Buy him music books, a construction set, small toy animals, cars. Show how to use it. While you are busy with work, the child should play.

If a child throws a tantrum, not wanting to play without you, hug him, tell him that you love him, but right now you have to do this and that. As a reward for good behavior, promise to play with him when you are free and fulfill your promise.

Don't buy whatever he asks for. If, in response to the refusal to buy a typewriter, the child rolls on the floor in hysterics, calmly and quietly say that you are very unhappy with him and that if he does not stop, then you will go home. If the scene continues, pretend to be indifferent, start looking at something on your phone or notebook. Your indifference will make the tantrum meaningless. When the child has calmed down, take him away from the store. As a punishment, leave him at home with an adult another time.

Be firm. If you decide to establish a new order, tell the rules to the child, write them down and hang them on the refrigerator. For each violation, refer to the list and do not deviate from it yourself.

Work together. Sometimes it is difficult to bring up a not spoiled child if the grandmother is nearby. The behavior of older generations can undermine any effort. Talk to your parents calmly and reasonably. If they do not want to understand and continue to spoil the child, keep the child's communication with them to a minimum.

Avoid extremes. When raising or re-educating a child, do not strive for the Spartan style, do not leave the baby for a nanny or grandmother. Always take time for him and show how much you love him. Never leave your baby to cry alone. As a last resort, just be there.


Expert: Alina Viktorovna Reiselman - entrepreneur, lifestyle and business expert, author of a unique methodology for increasing productivity and efficiency, founder of a number of lifestyle projects. In the arsenal of a businesswoman - creative recipes, useful advice on psychology, parenting and style creation. A chartered business management, economist and good housewife knows exactly how to become a successful woman.

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