More and more often we heard the complaints of women who were dissatisfied that men who were real in all respects were just an endangered species. There are many hypotheses about the factors that influenced the prevailing sad trend, but usually the most important thing is forgotten. In the upbringing of a boy, a man must certainly take a direct part, and they are often raised by only women. And how can a single mother raise a son so as not to harm his relationship with women in the future?
Raising boys is much more difficult than raising girls. Especially if, by coincidence, a woman is forced to do it alone. The realities of today's world are such that divorce has become an integral part of the lives of many people. And women, as a rule, are left alone with their children, because only a few men are ready to take part in raising their offspring after parting with their spouses. If a daughter grows up with her mother, then it is not as difficult as in a situation with a boy, who certainly needs a male example.
Between the ages of 5 and 12, the child undergoes a stage in the formation of sexual behavior. It is at this age that boys desperately need a landmark.
They begin to watch their dad, uncle, older brother or grandfather more closely. In extreme cases, in the absence of male relatives, boys choose an example to follow in school or in sports clubs. The main thing for them is to find someone with whom to take an example in order to copy the behavior and thereby act out their role. How exactly?
With other boys while playing. If earlier it was Cossacks-robbers, hide and seek, catch-up, football and so on, then today's children's games are slightly different, but they still retain their essence.
Often mothers are concerned about whether their son can play dolls with girls. Of course it can. Thus, he takes on the role of a father and, as a rule, the most sensitive and responsible parents grow out of such boys. Of course, if besides dolls your son no longer has any games, there is something to think about. But if he combines games with boys and girls - rejoice! Your harmonious personality is growing.
Usually, after mentioning the male example, women tend to sound the alarm and ask if the son is looking at his mother? What role does she play in his growing up? And how to raise a strong man without a father?
1. Give him a good example in society. As already mentioned, any man from your environment is suitable as an example - an uncle, grandfather, cousin, school teacher or football coach. Your task is simply to make sure that the example is worthy of imitation. And do not interfere with the admiration of the child.
2. Take on the role of a girl. Yes exactly. Do not forget that you are a woman, and your son needs to be made aware of this. Let it help as you grow and grow, starting with opening the door in front of you and gradually growing to more serious support. You don't have to be strong in the eyes of your son. On the contrary, gently but confidently let him feel that he is a man in your house, and even if he is small, this fact has not been canceled.
It is often here that mothers have a substitution of concepts. For some reason, they are sure that a real man should be brought up almost from the cradle and only harshly. Starting from 3 or even 2 years old, they teach: “Do not shout, do not cry, boys must be strong, you are a man” and everything in the same spirit. Remember: this only works after 5 years! Previously, it only hurts.
Until the age of 5, you just need to love your son and try not to focus on gender difference. You definitely won't make a man out of a 3-year-old son, but you can break a lot of firewood.
Then another problem arises: the responsibility of men. Women are often inclined to complain about irresponsible individuals of the stronger sex and are sure that it's all about female upbringing. No, it’s not like that. Even in complete families, boys often see a picture when the father is prone to laziness, and the mother plows several jobs and literally drags the whole family on her. Therefore, phrases like, you have to grow up to be responsible, like your dad, do not always work. He has a living example of the opposite behavior before his eyes.
Then it is these men who demand that women repeat the behavior of their mothers - the responsibility is on the woman, she is strong in the house, and the husband is her gift, and the happiness that she has it at all. They are sure that a wife should work with her husband on an equal footing, but at the same time, she should not forget about the children and run the household. As an example, these men always cite their mothers: "And my mother was pregnant and chopped wood!", "But my mother did it!" etc. Sound familiar?
So not everything depends on the presence or absence of a father in the family. Often it is the role of the mother who is “all by herself” that becomes pernicious. Their sons grow up irresponsible.
And what do we end up with? Here a boy has grown into a young man of 19-20 years old and begins to enter adulthood. To him, of course, there are many requirements at once. From the age of 3, my mother kept repeating that he was a man, but she herself did not show a female example. In modern society, he quickly realizes that he should be:
Once - beautiful and well-groomed;
Two are successful and ambitious;
Three - wealthy and self-confident;
Four - gentle with women and rude with the rest of the world;
Five - responsible and serious.
And how can you not become a neurotic with clear signs of narcissism? And that's at least!
Let your son just be human. There is no need to sculpt an ideal out of it, because each has its own. We must teach the boy to work on himself. Remember, women are naturally more responsible than men, for the simple reason that we are mothers (now or in the future). The maternal instinct in one way or another implies a huge burden of responsibility. For men, this is different.
And often women themselves endow men with certain qualities. For example, everyone changes. As a result, men themselves begin to think, well, since they change everything, then I am supposed to. In fact, everything comes from childhood and from mom. Men are not tough and soulless creatures, but just as sensitive and vulnerable as women. But nevertheless, they must feel that they are stronger than us.
Do not put pressure on your son, find him a worthy role model if you are divorced from your husband.
Let yourself be a woman and don't take on masculine responsibilities.
All boys and men are different and you cannot drive them all into the generally accepted (and often erroneous) framework of behavior.