It is very difficult to be a mother in the modern world. Women are forced to maneuver between family, household chores and work. And the society all this time, instead of caring, will show distrust, every now and then testing the strength of the nervous system. And at some point, you realize that you are sitting and staring emptyly at one point, unable to understand what happened to you and why all emotions seemed to have left the body. This is maternal burnout.
In early 2019, the American magazine for young parents, Motherly, conducted a study that showed that more than 50% of mothers find it difficult to cope with the stress of motherhood. One third of the subjects complained of deteriorating health: physical and mental. But worst of all, 85% of women said they did not support motherhood in society. Just think about this figure!
That is, society expects us to take care of children in an environment that does not imply caring for us.
Today it is fashionable to say that mothers should first of all take care of themselves, and only then about the child. Remember the safety formula on the plane: "Put on an oxygen mask on yourself first, and then on your child"? Experts advise doing the same in real life. If mom is tired, to hell with a healthy three-course dinner for the baby, give him a sandwich, play a cartoon on the tablet, and drink a glass of wine and meditate or call your best friend. Sounds right? Yes! Really? No!
The truth is, the desire to "put yourself first" is not enough to actually do it. Why? Because mom loves her baby too much. Cheerful chatting with a friend, going to a manicure, a bubble bath and even a glass of champagne cannot drown out the constant feeling of anxiety for a child. Why are we worried?
Firstly, because they are not confident in their abilities. Today, we cannot completely rely on a pediatrician for the health of our child (if only because he is too busy and not ready to respond to every sneeze).
Secondly, the most important cause for concern is the feeling that no matter how hard you try, you will not reach the ideal. But we must be ideal mothers - society tells us through advertisements, films and books. "A woman should be a supermom, because children are the flowers of life, children are above all!"
Such a dual position - “put yourself first, what are you?” And “the child is the most important thing” and leads to double stress for the mother.
It's time to admit - moms are burned out. Society should help us take care of ourselves.
Being a mom is always giving. And at some point, many women simply forget how to leave at least a little emotion for themselves.
Just remember, being burned out doesn't make you a bad mother. You are doing everything right. And many of the problems listed above (unfortunately, not all) are actually solvable, because they were created not by you, but by social stereotypes.
Second, try to curb your inner anxiety. Have you given your child all of the vaccinations? Is he dressed for the season? Knows how to cross the road, use electrical appliances? Fine! This means that no diseases and dangers threaten him! (To calm down even more, read the book of pediatrician Fyodor Katasonov "Fediatrics. Non-anxious approach to the child").
Third: praise yourself! Yes, yes, praise and try to notice what good you have done during the day. Ideal people do not exist, but you clearly know how to do something better than others, and what your friends are terribly jealous of. So instead of scolding yourself before going to bed because of what has not been done, it is better to remember how much you have done and put yourself a plus, reminding yourself that for your children you are the best mother in the world.
What else can you do? Learn to say "no" to overly demanding loved ones (perhaps the husband simply forgot that he can wash the dishes and iron his shirt), ask friends and family for help more often (you are not omnipotent), stop constantly apologizing and feeling awkward talking about your needs.
At first, sidelong glances are not excluded, but isn't the recognition of one's own vulnerability genuine courage? As one very wise man said, there is no one on Earth braver than a mother. Do not forget about this and one day a bubble bath will really bring you pleasure, and your children and husband will become more confident, feeling that you are happy.